**NOTE** “What I’ve Learned” is a new series I am starting here at UI. It will dive into a myriad of different subjects, and what I’ve learned about them during my short time on earth. Hopefully it creates conversation and allows me to learn more about the subject.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. - Mary Schmich - Chicago Tribune

One of the first things I’ve learned about friends is that that the above statement is quite true. After moving back to the area where I grew up after being away for just over 7 years I’ve managed to rekindled a plethora of dormant relationships in the last several months and it has been quite beneficial to my psyche.  I think a lot of people feel the need to leave where they grew up for many reasons. Quite often I hear people say  things like “If I stayed in my home town I’d be eating hay and riding a tractor” or some sort of statement like that. I’ve found though that more often than not it is your hometown, and specfically your home town friendships that determine the course of your relationships throughout the rest of your life. As you get older, you really will need the poeple you knew when you were younger.

I’ve also learned that the more “friends” you allow in to your life, the more drama you allow in to it as well. Think about it, it’s virtually inevitable. When you mix two or more lives together you can expect to inherit some of the other individuals issues. It’s the way life works. That’s why I’ve learned that it’s important to keep the amount of friendships you have to a minimum, as I have for most of my life. I’ve got too much going on to have to concern myself with other peoples issues, or other peoples problems. Now those that I call friend, are the ones who I have said these people are my friend, I’ll give the shirt off my back, I care about their lives, and want to be involved in them. Everyone else, is merely an acquaintance. Someone who, while I want access to their life, I want only limited access. While, I’d drop what I was doing in a heartbeat for a friend, an acquaintance is someone who if I have the ability to make time for I certainly will, but I am not going to go out of my way for an acquaintance.

I’ve learned that a real friend, doesn’t spare your feelings. They’re honest, and if you’re an idiot that could mean that they’re consistently telling you things that tick you off, especially if you’re fairly consistent at screwing up. The beauty of friendship though is that it’s not ‘mean’ or ‘rude’ coming from your friend. It is simply your friend, being a friend. You have a hard time hearing the truth from someone who isn’t your friend, but coming from a friend it’s music to your ears and you sort of expect it, which helps in making it not quite as hard to hear.

Friends, are not necessary for survival, but they sure do make living a lot easier. Having a myriad of friends is overrated, but for some reason there are folks who feel like they can not live unless they have all their friends. I’ve learned though, after studying my friendships, and the friendships of those around me, those with a few close-knit friends don’t rely on their friends for survival, but certainly get a long a lot better in life then the folks I know who have a crap load of friends.

Most importantly I’ve learned that friends are simply extended family and should be treated as such. I don’t use my friends, and I hope that my friends don’t use me. I’ve known some of my friends for 10 years and others for as little as 10 months, the reality is they’re my brothers and sisters and I love them all.

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