I am tired…

…of everyone thinking that their way is right.
…of all the left versus right bull shit that politics as turned into in this country.
…of worrying about what is going to happen with the economy.
…of watching people pursue things knowing that their likelihood of failure is significant.
…of wondering what is next.
…of men who are heavily influenced by trying to prove their balls are bigger than the other guys.
…of women suffering when their man is playing the “my balls are bigger than theirs” game.
…of children having to grow up in a broken home.
…of the hood mentality that tells you that everyone is out to get you.
…of knowing that racism, sexism, bigotry, hatred, ignorance and intolerance still run rampant in our society.
…of fearing that which is uncontrollable.
…of not fearing that which is controllable.
…of religions, and their followers who are hellbent on convincing the world that their way is the ONLY way.
…of folks not respecting the convictions of others.
…of the media being in control of what we learn and no one doing anything about it.
…of complaining about everyone else not doing anything, when I’m certainly not trying all that hard either.
…of image-control.
…of self-doubt.

I am tired.

Tonight, at the behest of my sister I took my parents to the local arts center to see Cheech & Chong perform live. She bought them tickets for their wedding anniversary, and as part of my contribution to that gift, I drove them there and back.

My parents are coming up on 25 years of being together, I want to say 23 of those married (I’m pretty sure they married the year I was born). In this day and age that is quite an accomplishment. Heck, any more 10 years is an accomplishment, but a quarter of a century that is virtually unheard of!

Tonight after I dropped them off for their show and headed out to grab some dinner I got to thinking about my friends. The ones who have great marriages, the ones who’ve been married and are no longer, the ones getting married, the ones who’ve been married multiple times, the ones newly married, the ones dating and the ones who like me are single. While thinking about all these people a grim reality set in: We live in and have been brought up in a completely different world then the one my parents were living and brought up in 25 years ago. The challenges that face our relationships are challenges, that while not completely new, are unique in how we must approach them. In addition to the challenges that have been facing relationships for years, are new challenges that are indeed unique to my generation and future generations.

One thing that is quite alarming to me is my generations ability to “stop loving” the one they’re with. Maybe, it’s just me, but I don’t understand how that happens. It completely boggles my mind - the concept of “falling out of love.” If you can fall out of love as easily as you can fall in to it, then why are things the way they are? Why is marriage even a thought? I mean, it is a lifetime commitment, but if breaking that commitment is as easy as just up and leaving, or telling someone you don’t love them anymore then why does that commitment even exist?

I’m going to stop rambling now, because I could go on forever but, I’ll leave you with this thought:
Is it possible to stop loving someone you’ve said you’re devoting your entire life to? If it is, why/how?

Happy Anniversary mom and dad…I am more proud of you than I could ever put into words.

…I’ve managed to have a decision made for me, as far as my new church home is concerned.

Over the last several months I’ve spent a significant amount of time wrestling with this decision. I’ve argued (yes ARGUED) with God on multiple occasions, even making it known that He’s not exactly as smart as people make Him out to be. I posted a couple weeks ago about how I’ve been struggling with trying to figure all this crap out.

Needless to say, from that post forward, to about a week ago I have been in one fight after another with God about the subject. Basically, I’m going to do what I should have been doing all along, and that is be a part of Element, which is the church that Bobby is planting here in Tampa. It’s also basically the church that “Revolution,” the ministry that I considered my church for about 2 years has grown in to. I’ve learned (well not really, because I pretty much knew it already) that despite every inkling in me to not be, I am one of the most judgmental human beings I know. I listened to God in the beginning, grabbed on to the vision He cast in Bobby and ran with it, only to let the judgmental bastard in me get the best of me and let me believe that I couldn’t be involved because too many people were doing it just so they could hop on the “cool train.” (That damn train, I hope it derails eventually)

Anyway, long story short, the immature side of me has spun around in circles, fought off the direction of God, as well as, several significant spiritual leaders in my life for the last several months when I knew the answer from the beginning.

STILL though, I demanded some type of confirmation, and I received it today. I spent 5.5 hours hanging out at where Element will be meeting putting furniture together, cleaning up construction mess, helping hang crap and a variety of other chores before the first preview service this Sunday. I did all of that along side some incredible individuals, people who really are on board with the vision God has cast in Bobby. I realized today that those who aren’t really on board with the mission will eventually be phased out by the large number of folks who are. I’m proud to be serving the Tampa Bay community along side these great folks who are running with the same vision that I’ve decided to run with.

This whole post is flaky, but it’s coming from deep inside me. I don’t know that I could illustrate properly the struggle that I’ve had over the last several months about all this. I do know though that I’ve come out on the other end and while I’m still uncertain of the results, I’m going to go with them. I have absolutely NO IDEA, why God feels the need for me to be involved in all of this, but I’m going to do it in spite of myself. Element is going to do some crazy shizz in the Tampa area, and why my God, who knows just how screwed up of an individual I am wants me to be apart of that, I’ll never know. What I do know is that Element will be my church home, and I’ll do whatever it is I’m told to do to ensure the vision that God has cast in Bobby is carried out.

It’ll be a journey for sure, but after today I’m quite happy going on that journey with my fellow journeyers.