Have you ever feared that you are watching someone ruin their life?

I’m there right now and I’ve got to tell you, it’s scary — sitting their and watching someone you have respect for, chase after a dream and an idea that is completely and utterly ridiculous.
The funny thing is, that I seem to be the only person who feels that way. Which forces me to sit back and watch it all unfold.

Now, I know that I’ve shared on multiple occasions on here that I’m not a big dreamer. I think that many of you have misunderstood that concept so, let me clear it up for you. I have dreams. I have ambitions. I have goals. However, I am heavily influenced by reality and, when reality dictates it necessary for me to abandon those dreams, ambitions or goals or, even temporarily subdue those dreams, ambitions and goals I do so. I also do not pursue dreams, goals or ambitions that are virtually unattainable, or that will cause great deals of stress in my life. In my opinion if your dream is going to stress you to the point that the stress is affecting other parts of your life, then it’s not really worth pursuing.

The reason I feel that way all goes back to reality.

You see you can only control your present, and realistically speaking stressing over the future or the past and how they may or may not affect each other is a waste of time. The here and now should be the center of your focus, with a slight look ahead to the future because seriously, the here and now are the only things that you have even SLIGHT control over. I am well aware of the fact that the here and now directly or indirectly affect the future, but if you’re spending a crap load of time altering your here and now to make it work for your future then you are causing in my opinion, an unnecessary stress in your life.
What is suppose to happen is going to happen, and if you think you have complete control over what is happening, or what is suppose to happen then you’re sadly mistaken. Life, family, friends, politics, love, health and a whole slew of other issues affect the present and in the end are going to have a direct or indirect affect on the future and that, my friends, is reality.
It is, or at least I feel it is, possible for you to garner some form of control, even if it is slight of the issues that affect the present but, if you’re so caught up in making those issues work for your future, for your dreams, ambitions and goals, then you’re really going to screw up your present, which in turn will most likely ruin your future.

It would seem, to most anyway, that I have a very twisted view on dreams. Honestly, I don’t think it’s as twisted as it appears. It actually boils down to one thing and that one thing of course is REALITY. Listen, fantasy lands are great, they sometimes provide a numbness to the stinging sensation known as life but, when you spend more time in fantasy land then you do real life you’re hurting yourself and those around you.

I’m not saying it is wrong to pursue your dreams, or your ambitions and goals. Hell, I’m still pursuing mine, but they are consistently changing as a result of the life I have now. I don’t have the same dreams, ambitions or goals I had a year ago, much less 5 years ago. Does that mean I’m not looking ahead to the future? Quite the contrary, I am very much looking forward to what the future has in store. I’m just refusing to accept the fact that I have control over that future.

I worry about my friend. I worry about the amount of time, energy and effort he is putting into chasing a dream that I don’t even think he fully comprehends. I’m frightened by the fact that it’s so easy for him to disguise this plan, or this vision as he calls it as part of a vision he was given by the God he serves. I am flabbergasted by the sacrifices he is willing to make all in the name of a dream that realistically speaking is going to leave him hurting. Worst of all, I’m worried about what the potential failure of this dream is going to do to him. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been a dreamer and over that time I’ve seen many of his dreams flounder and I’ve seen the tremendous toll it has taken on his life. In the end, I recognize that he is an adult and since I seem to be the only voice of dissension right now I have to sit back and watch.
Trust me, I am watching, with eyes wide open and a heart that feels a great deal of trepidation.

**NOTE** “What I’ve Learned” is a new series I am starting here at UI. It will dive into a myriad of different subjects, and what I’ve learned about them during my short time on earth. Hopefully it creates conversation and allows me to learn more about the subject.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. - Mary Schmich - Chicago Tribune

One of the first things I’ve learned about friends is that that the above statement is quite true. After moving back to the area where I grew up after being away for just over 7 years I’ve managed to rekindled a plethora of dormant relationships in the last several months and it has been quite beneficial to my psyche.  I think a lot of people feel the need to leave where they grew up for many reasons. Quite often I hear people say  things like “If I stayed in my home town I’d be eating hay and riding a tractor” or some sort of statement like that. I’ve found though that more often than not it is your hometown, and specfically your home town friendships that determine the course of your relationships throughout the rest of your life. As you get older, you really will need the poeple you knew when you were younger.

I’ve also learned that the more “friends” you allow in to your life, the more drama you allow in to it as well. Think about it, it’s virtually inevitable. When you mix two or more lives together you can expect to inherit some of the other individuals issues. It’s the way life works. That’s why I’ve learned that it’s important to keep the amount of friendships you have to a minimum, as I have for most of my life. I’ve got too much going on to have to concern myself with other peoples issues, or other peoples problems. Now those that I call friend, are the ones who I have said these people are my friend, I’ll give the shirt off my back, I care about their lives, and want to be involved in them. Everyone else, is merely an acquaintance. Someone who, while I want access to their life, I want only limited access. While, I’d drop what I was doing in a heartbeat for a friend, an acquaintance is someone who if I have the ability to make time for I certainly will, but I am not going to go out of my way for an acquaintance.

I’ve learned that a real friend, doesn’t spare your feelings. They’re honest, and if you’re an idiot that could mean that they’re consistently telling you things that tick you off, especially if you’re fairly consistent at screwing up. The beauty of friendship though is that it’s not ‘mean’ or ‘rude’ coming from your friend. It is simply your friend, being a friend. You have a hard time hearing the truth from someone who isn’t your friend, but coming from a friend it’s music to your ears and you sort of expect it, which helps in making it not quite as hard to hear.

Friends, are not necessary for survival, but they sure do make living a lot easier. Having a myriad of friends is overrated, but for some reason there are folks who feel like they can not live unless they have all their friends. I’ve learned though, after studying my friendships, and the friendships of those around me, those with a few close-knit friends don’t rely on their friends for survival, but certainly get a long a lot better in life then the folks I know who have a crap load of friends.

Most importantly I’ve learned that friends are simply extended family and should be treated as such. I don’t use my friends, and I hope that my friends don’t use me. I’ve known some of my friends for 10 years and others for as little as 10 months, the reality is they’re my brothers and sisters and I love them all.