Have you ever feared that you are watching someone ruin their life?

I’m there right now and I’ve got to tell you, it’s scary — sitting their and watching someone you have respect for, chase after a dream and an idea that is completely and utterly ridiculous.
The funny thing is, that I seem to be the only person who feels that way. Which forces me to sit back and watch it all unfold.

Now, I know that I’ve shared on multiple occasions on here that I’m not a big dreamer. I think that many of you have misunderstood that concept so, let me clear it up for you. I have dreams. I have ambitions. I have goals. However, I am heavily influenced by reality and, when reality dictates it necessary for me to abandon those dreams, ambitions or goals or, even temporarily subdue those dreams, ambitions and goals I do so. I also do not pursue dreams, goals or ambitions that are virtually unattainable, or that will cause great deals of stress in my life. In my opinion if your dream is going to stress you to the point that the stress is affecting other parts of your life, then it’s not really worth pursuing.

The reason I feel that way all goes back to reality.

You see you can only control your present, and realistically speaking stressing over the future or the past and how they may or may not affect each other is a waste of time. The here and now should be the center of your focus, with a slight look ahead to the future because seriously, the here and now are the only things that you have even SLIGHT control over. I am well aware of the fact that the here and now directly or indirectly affect the future, but if you’re spending a crap load of time altering your here and now to make it work for your future then you are causing in my opinion, an unnecessary stress in your life.
What is suppose to happen is going to happen, and if you think you have complete control over what is happening, or what is suppose to happen then you’re sadly mistaken. Life, family, friends, politics, love, health and a whole slew of other issues affect the present and in the end are going to have a direct or indirect affect on the future and that, my friends, is reality.
It is, or at least I feel it is, possible for you to garner some form of control, even if it is slight of the issues that affect the present but, if you’re so caught up in making those issues work for your future, for your dreams, ambitions and goals, then you’re really going to screw up your present, which in turn will most likely ruin your future.

It would seem, to most anyway, that I have a very twisted view on dreams. Honestly, I don’t think it’s as twisted as it appears. It actually boils down to one thing and that one thing of course is REALITY. Listen, fantasy lands are great, they sometimes provide a numbness to the stinging sensation known as life but, when you spend more time in fantasy land then you do real life you’re hurting yourself and those around you.

I’m not saying it is wrong to pursue your dreams, or your ambitions and goals. Hell, I’m still pursuing mine, but they are consistently changing as a result of the life I have now. I don’t have the same dreams, ambitions or goals I had a year ago, much less 5 years ago. Does that mean I’m not looking ahead to the future? Quite the contrary, I am very much looking forward to what the future has in store. I’m just refusing to accept the fact that I have control over that future.

I worry about my friend. I worry about the amount of time, energy and effort he is putting into chasing a dream that I don’t even think he fully comprehends. I’m frightened by the fact that it’s so easy for him to disguise this plan, or this vision as he calls it as part of a vision he was given by the God he serves. I am flabbergasted by the sacrifices he is willing to make all in the name of a dream that realistically speaking is going to leave him hurting. Worst of all, I’m worried about what the potential failure of this dream is going to do to him. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been a dreamer and over that time I’ve seen many of his dreams flounder and I’ve seen the tremendous toll it has taken on his life. In the end, I recognize that he is an adult and since I seem to be the only voice of dissension right now I have to sit back and watch.
Trust me, I am watching, with eyes wide open and a heart that feels a great deal of trepidation.

**Cheese warning: This entry is going to be quite cheesy.**

They say that life is nothing more than a plethora of chapters in a book. With each new major event, or life changing event in life you write a new chapter in your book. I agree with this philosophy however, I believe that at a certain point in life you actually write the last chapter of one book, and begin writing an entirely new book.

I’m pleased to say that I have finished the first book of my life and am about to begin writing the second book.

I began sometime ago seeking out a career move that will put me in a better position to achieve my overall professional and personal ambitions. Consequently, I found an organization that was looking for someone to fill a position that would do just that. Long story short, I interviewed, was offered and accepted the position. Yesterday, I notified my current employer of my resignation, effective at the end of the business day on September 5th 2008, and will begin my newest career on September 8th. Through my new employer I’ll be working in the overnight hours (5pm to 1:30am) which will free up my day time hours to pursue the formation of No Motives, the non-profit organization that I am founding and have had to put on the back burner since I made the announcement that I am founding it. It will also allow me to continue my education so that I can work towards my eventual career goal of being a teacher. In addition to both those, this new position offers me the flexibility to do more freelance journalism, work on more political campaigns, substitute teach, pursue my voice over/voice acting hobby as well as my interest in audio broadcasting. The position offers incredible benefits and a pay that is equal to, if not slightly greater than what I am making right now.

I call this my opportunity of a lifetime.

I think it is important while you’re young to have the ability to figure out what it is you want to do with your life. I have been trying for quite some time to figure that out. Most folks my age do that while they’re in college. The only problem with that for me, is that without some sort of assistance, I can not attend college. (Consequently my new employer offers a very generous tuition reimbursement benefit) I truly believe that I am in the beginning stages of the latest book of my life. Out of this opportunity I am convinced that several other life altering (changing) events will happen as well.

I look forward to writing the future chapters of my latest “life book” with you in the coming years.

I wrote on July 3rd about I finally decided to pursue my dream of a career in radio broadcasting. I was going to attend the CSB School of Broadcasting and they even offered me a 1/2 paid scholarship.

Unfortunately I learned this morning that there is absolutely no way that I am going to be able to come up with the other half. I’ve tried every outlet imaginable and it’s just not going to happen.

So…so much for that idea.

I believe that sometimes we’re not meant to pursue all of our dreams. I think if we WERE meant to pursue every dream we had things would be nuts. We’d probably all be in financial ruins and life would be completely abnormal. I know that most would disagree with me. Most folks believe that you should passionately pursue all of your dreams until you achieve them. Come on folks, the reality is my pursuit of this dream would have left me in financial ruins. I’d be in deeper debt than I already am from the loan I would have (if I could have gotten approved for it) had to take out, I would have spent years working my way up a ladder making next to nothing (thus pushing myself in further debt), to one day attain my goal in this particular field, still not making a whole lot of money. Sure money isn’t everything, not when it comes to pursuing your dreams, but honestly, bills HAVE to be paid, food HAS to be bought, fuel HAS to be put in the car, debt HAS to be paid down and a home is NEEDED for survival. So sure, money isn’t EVERYTHING, but it sure does play a significant role in everything.

Anyway, I don’t know whats ahead. I’ll still podcast, which gives me ample opportunities to live out parts of my dream. I’m also contemplating starting a production, or DJ business on the side and teach myself different aspects of the trade. Who knows. My dreams not dead, but this avenue of pursuit more than likely is.