**NOTE** “What I’ve Learned” is a new series I am starting here at UI. It will dive into a myriad of different subjects, and what I’ve learned about them during my short time on earth. Hopefully it creates conversation and allows me to learn more about the subject.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. - Mary Schmich - Chicago Tribune

One of the first things I’ve learned about friends is that that the above statement is quite true. After moving back to the area where I grew up after being away for just over 7 years I’ve managed to rekindled a plethora of dormant relationships in the last several months and it has been quite beneficial to my psyche.  I think a lot of people feel the need to leave where they grew up for many reasons. Quite often I hear people say  things like “If I stayed in my home town I’d be eating hay and riding a tractor” or some sort of statement like that. I’ve found though that more often than not it is your hometown, and specfically your home town friendships that determine the course of your relationships throughout the rest of your life. As you get older, you really will need the poeple you knew when you were younger.

I’ve also learned that the more “friends” you allow in to your life, the more drama you allow in to it as well. Think about it, it’s virtually inevitable. When you mix two or more lives together you can expect to inherit some of the other individuals issues. It’s the way life works. That’s why I’ve learned that it’s important to keep the amount of friendships you have to a minimum, as I have for most of my life. I’ve got too much going on to have to concern myself with other peoples issues, or other peoples problems. Now those that I call friend, are the ones who I have said these people are my friend, I’ll give the shirt off my back, I care about their lives, and want to be involved in them. Everyone else, is merely an acquaintance. Someone who, while I want access to their life, I want only limited access. While, I’d drop what I was doing in a heartbeat for a friend, an acquaintance is someone who if I have the ability to make time for I certainly will, but I am not going to go out of my way for an acquaintance.

I’ve learned that a real friend, doesn’t spare your feelings. They’re honest, and if you’re an idiot that could mean that they’re consistently telling you things that tick you off, especially if you’re fairly consistent at screwing up. The beauty of friendship though is that it’s not ‘mean’ or ‘rude’ coming from your friend. It is simply your friend, being a friend. You have a hard time hearing the truth from someone who isn’t your friend, but coming from a friend it’s music to your ears and you sort of expect it, which helps in making it not quite as hard to hear.

Friends, are not neccesary for survival, but they sure do make living a lot easier. Having a myriad of friends is overrated, but for some reason there are folks who feel like they can not live unless they have all their friends. I’ve learned though, after studying my friendships, and the friendships of those around me, those with a few close-knit friends don’t rely on their friends for survival, but certainly get a long a lot better in life then the folks I know who have a crap load of friends.

Most importantly I’ve learned that friends are simply extended family and should be treated as such. I don’t use my friends, and I hope that my friends don’t use me. I’ve known some of my friends for 10 years and others for as little as 10 months, the reality is they’re my brothers and sisters and I love them all.

The latest edition of the Unobjective Intelligence podcast (The Will Young show) is ready for your listening pleasure.

This week I discuss:

• Relationships, and how I feel the internet is positively changing the way we approach them.
• Why getting involved in your community is important, and how you can get involved in your community.
• And I’ll give a very brief campaign 08 update.

As always if there is something you’d like to hear please shoot me an e-mail.

You can download it using Apple’s iTune’s using the link on the right, or for those who don’t use itunes, simply click the button that says ‘RSS Podcast’ and download the latest episode.

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Links mentioned in this weeks episode:

Relationships:

Los’ entry that started it all. He makes a very valid point, check out some of the comments too.

Jeff Jarvis’ Article.

Abstract of the article in the Journal of Adolescent Research. (NOTE: To read the full article you have to buy it)

Article in the New York Times that talks about the above study.

Maxwell Payne Article.

Kristin Stanberry’s Schwab Learning Article.

eHow’s guide to maintaining healthy online relationships. I didn’t mention this one in the podcast, but I figured it was worth listing anyway.

Community Involvement:

The Corporation for National and Community Service.

The USA Freedom Corps.

Campaign News:

Glassbooth - Find out what candidate shares your ideals and philosophy.

McCain’s Straight Talk Express bus now a plane

Shake-up in the McCain campaign

McCain calls shake-up part of “natural evolution”

McCain/Obama talk about Patriotism in Parade Magazine

Obama talks about his consistency on Iraq

AP Analysis: McCain Struggles to regain footing

Senator Obama speaks about Patriotism

Obama endorses faith-based social programs in Zanesville

Senator Obama talks to Relevant magazine about mental distress not justifying abortion

John McCain press release regarding the Colombian Hostage Rescue

McCain camp’s comments on Obama’s Iraq comments

McCain traveled to Mexico to push free trade

I get asked on numerous occasions why I immerse myself in the online world of blogging, social-network services, online chats and the like.

Carlos posted a great entry that sums it up, please check it out.

I commented back with this (I’m posting, so you’ll have a better idea of why this entry resonated with me):

Well written and I couldn’t agree more.

I feel like what was once my small, semi-dedicated circle of friends has expanded through this vast world of online relationships. I’ve “met” people that I wouldn’t have otherwise had the opportunity to meet, that have let me in to their lives and who I’ve let in to mine. To me it’s not a “network” of people whose names I can drop, it’s a family. It’s people who are willing to lend a hand from 900 miles away even if it’s through an AIM chat.

Thank you for this concise and poignant statement. It resonated with me immensely.

I know that there are many out there who say that online relationships are unhealthy. I’ve always, and will continue to beg to differ. I think it is very possible to maintain a very healthy lifestyle, and maintain very healthy relationships even if a large number of those are online. Let’s face it, we’re living in a new world.
I could go on for quite a while telling you how Alex has inspired me with his dedication to his ministry and to the people of his community and to his family, or how without thinking twice he answers my e-mails when I have questions that in the grand scheme of things are completely a waste of his time. Or I could tell you how both Carlos and Heather have given me not only a sound biblical example of parenting, but a realistic “We don’t have all the answers but dang it we love our kids and we’re trying our hardest to be the best, Godly parents ever” example of what a parent should be. I could tell you how Anne and Crystal have reminded me on numerous occasions that the only way you’re going to get anywhere in life is to remain transparent, and to constantly be on guard when it comes to matters of the heart. I’d probably also mention how Chris, reminds that you do not have to agree with someone to know that they are right, that they are wise, and that they are thinking about things well outside the realm of anything you could possibly grasp. (Consequently, I’ve met Chris in real life, and he does the same in real life as he does online.) I’d probably even tell you about Pete who reminds me continually that life DOES indeed come at you fast, and the only way you can deal with it is to fully embrace what is thrown at you.

That’s just SOME of the many people I follow, you can always check them out in my blogroll, and in time I’ll be adding some more of the blogs I read either via their feeds or online that are not currently up there.

The point I’m trying to make with this, is that I’ve grown physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and spiritually as a result of the blogosphere. I’ve also done a lot of growing as a result of my “real life” relationships, but I can not and will not allow others to write off relationships formed via the internet as if they lack substance, because, well they clearly do not.

Thanks again Los for sharing your heart.